grateful

I've noticed that in many ways grace perceived does not reflect, or agree with, grace revealed in my life. The evidence: to me, Jesus 'changes' depending on circumstances. In reality, it is me who changes, not Christ. I allow fear to overcome me and shape my decisions and reactions; I allow insecurity to drive my incessant need for importance and acclaim; I entertain lust for the many unnecessary things my heart desires; I choose unforgiveness and it chokes the love right out of me. I am nothing more than a product of my situation. And through it all I drag Jesus, accusing him of untimely inactivity and unresponsiveness. I reduce grace to something that now belongs to me and something that I need to figure out so that I can live right.

Grace is a new second chance. I am undeserving of God's grace and inexplicable acceptance of who I am...not what I might be, but who I was and what I am presently. So for me to begin to grasp God's grace given through Jesus' sacrifice, then I simply need to let myself be accepted by God...period. I'll be honest, letting myself be accepted just as I am is difficult because I know who I really am. The baffling thing is He knows who I really am also AND He loves me intensely. That's just tough to deal with. It really seems way too good to be true.

And yet...
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. (Ephesians 2:8 ESV)

You can do NOTHING to improve your position with God. It was he who chose us...in the position we were already in. He did not project forward or anticipate who you might be before he chose you. He loved you when you were filthy and as you are filthy.

He searched for me and found me and accepted me as I was and as I continue to be. Quite honestly, I was too stupid and self-consumed to find him. He knew it. I now know it and forever I am humbly grateful.