Right now in my life, I am in the midst of my biggest reach ever. I am chasing my biggest dream that lied ignored and discounted in my heart for years. I am writing my first book and taking my first step into a life as a writer. There is such a joy and fulfillment in my pursuit. There are also huge amounts of fear and trepidation stepping into the unknown, the untested. The pressure to perform and succeed is paramount. It eclipses all other thoughts and the rest of my life at times as the most important thing that must be reached. It is not healthy for my dream and the effort required to reach it to be the most important value in my life. I am more than my dream.
A couple of months ago, I wrote myself the following note as a reminder and a pacesetter in my pursuit of my most important dream.
You are worth more than your biggest dream. You know, the thing that you secretly would give your right arm to do, but are typically too nervous and afraid to actually do anything about. But still, you dream about doing it some day, about finishing the book and releasing it into success. Then the writing career blooms. That counts, right? Don’t sell yourself short answering that question quickly and easily.
While your dream is certainly important, it cannot be all there is to you. What you cannot do is inappropriately value your dream. Sure, you should be more than mildly obsessed with accomplishing it. And yes, hopefully you do not rest well and easily as long as you ignore it and try to kill it off. But, and hear me on this, your dream is not the most important thing there is to who you are. If that is where you value it, you will never reach it.
You know what reminds me that my dream is not what’s most important? My girls. To them, I’m not a writer who is beginning a new career and chasing down a dream with each keystroke, I’m just dad. They don’t really care about the book, if it will be picked up by a publisher or if it will sell or even be read by many others. My girls don’t care about if my book is soars to success or sinks deeply unnoticed. They don’t care if I succeed to develop a sustainable life and career as a writer. They don’t care about what I do. My daughters care about who I am. They care about my book and my dreams because I do, not because it is who I am.
Writing is a busy, schedule consuming endeavor. It would be one thing if I settled down in a remote cabin nestled quietly somewhere in the woods where I could write and constantly work at my dream. That is not the case. For me, writing has become an addition, a valuable addition, however, to my already busy life of working a good day job and learning how to be a single parent and a very present father in my daughters’ lives. Writing is what I want to do in life. It is what I am converting my life to while still having one foot planted in a day job that is necessary for living and paying the bills. And so, it is a balancing act of living two lives in sections of my day. I wake up much earlier than my daughters to have the time to write. I write late at night after they are tucked in for bed. When these lines blur, and they do, I forget what really matters and end up losing my way. When I reduce myself and my greatest aim and value to a dream, I lose sight of who I am. I become desperate to produce and validate my dream. I forget what they know so well. In the end and most importantly, I am just dad.
There is a disciplined balance to working toward what you want to accomplish in life. It begins by anchoring yourself in who you are not in what you do. When you anchor yourself in this way, your pursuit of your dreams and what you want to accomplish becomes easier and less conflicted. It becomes more of a reality, not an enemy invading your reality.
Well said Guy, I find that most people today base who they are and their "success" in life on their occupation and income rather than their character and conduct! It is good to see that you dont!
Troy Arabie
Well said Guy, I find that most people today base who they are and their "success" in life on their occupation and income rather than their character and conduct!