“You know, she’s halfway to eighteen. Before you know it, you’ll be helping her pack for college.”
And with that, I was pretty much useless for the rest of the work day. Part of me felt like quitting my job in that moment, checking her out of school to spend every moment going forward with her. But that is not my job as her parent, neither would it be practical or beneficial for her. I cannot stop them from growing and getting older, but I can show them the way. That is my proper job as their parent. The sad fact for me, that I realized today, was that that statement is true. In no time, Elizabeth will be standing at the cusp of life ahead of her ready to go after all that is waiting for her. And you better believe that in that moment, I want her to do much more than fly. I want her to soar with the strength that I was able to give her. I don’t want her to flap weak wings against a strong breeze, fighting just to be stable. My deepest prayer is that each of my girls will one day be strong and secure enough to love God no matter the circumstance. If I succeed at teaching them that, then soaring and reaching their dreams will be a beautiful result, a natural product. But we are not at that day yet, and there is much to do to get them there.
With each passing day, I realize how fast my daughters are growing up; too fast. What seems like yesterday is actually years ago already and time just keeps moving on. If I’m not careful, most of my interactions with my girls can become reactive. A busy schedule at work, writing a book, completing freelance writing projects and keeping up with their schedules, can quickly shape a pace where we hurry just to live that day. At this point in my life, with several plates spinning, my effort is best spent on investing all of me in the time we have. Some days we seem to have all the time in the world while others we struggle for five minutes. Both quality and quantity are important to our family time. Of course, prioritizing time together is at the top of the list, but what is more valuable to me is how we spend our time together. If all I am focused on is the amount of time we are or are not spending together, I become reactive in how I interact with them. I fuss at them quickly and tell them more of what they are doing wrong than try my best to prepare them to know how to do what is right. I act reactively. That will never get them to the point of being strong and secure later in life. Unfortunately, I do this more than I’d like to admit.
Just last night, I saw a great difference in their eyes when I wasn’t reactive, but spent time investing truth as deep into their hearts as I could. I taught them about gravity. I held a necklace above my head and simply asked them what would happen if I let it go. Then I let it go, and their answers were correct. It fell to the ground. I did it over and over again in different ways, asking them the same question each time. Same answer was correct every time. Then I told them that God’s love was just as real as gravity, that He would always love them no matter what.
“What if you lie?” “God will love us.”
“What if you cheat in a game?” “God will still love us.”
“What if you hurt someone or talk bad about someone or make fun of someone?” “God would still love us.”
Then Elizabeth, my oldest, asked, “But what if someone keeps doing something wrong?” “There are no buts in God’s love for us.” Of course, they all laughed and the moment was nearly lost. “He will always love you no matter what. We have to love him enough to say that we are sorry when we are wrong.”
You know what that conversation was to me? One step closer to my deepest prayer being answered in their lives. And it happened with the slightest bit of effort. In that moment, I succeeded in parenting.
One win for dad, amidst a long list of losses and wrongs. I have a feeling that one win has the great potential to outweigh the reactive losses surrounding it.
And with that, I was pretty much useless for the rest of the work day. Part of me felt like quitting my job in that moment, checking her out of school to spend every moment going forward with her. But that is not my job as her parent, neither would it be practical or beneficial for her. I cannot stop them from growing and getting older, but I can show them the way. That is my proper job as their parent. The sad fact for me, that I realized today, was that that statement is true. In no time, Elizabeth will be standing at the cusp of life ahead of her ready to go after all that is waiting for her. And you better believe that in that moment, I want her to do much more than fly. I want her to soar with the strength that I was able to give her. I don’t want her to flap weak wings against a strong breeze, fighting just to be stable. My deepest prayer is that each of my girls will one day be strong and secure enough to love God no matter the circumstance. If I succeed at teaching them that, then soaring and reaching their dreams will be a beautiful result, a natural product. But we are not at that day yet, and there is much to do to get them there.
With each passing day, I realize how fast my daughters are growing up; too fast. What seems like yesterday is actually years ago already and time just keeps moving on. If I’m not careful, most of my interactions with my girls can become reactive. A busy schedule at work, writing a book, completing freelance writing projects and keeping up with their schedules, can quickly shape a pace where we hurry just to live that day. At this point in my life, with several plates spinning, my effort is best spent on investing all of me in the time we have. Some days we seem to have all the time in the world while others we struggle for five minutes. Both quality and quantity are important to our family time. Of course, prioritizing time together is at the top of the list, but what is more valuable to me is how we spend our time together. If all I am focused on is the amount of time we are or are not spending together, I become reactive in how I interact with them. I fuss at them quickly and tell them more of what they are doing wrong than try my best to prepare them to know how to do what is right. I act reactively. That will never get them to the point of being strong and secure later in life. Unfortunately, I do this more than I’d like to admit.
Just last night, I saw a great difference in their eyes when I wasn’t reactive, but spent time investing truth as deep into their hearts as I could. I taught them about gravity. I held a necklace above my head and simply asked them what would happen if I let it go. Then I let it go, and their answers were correct. It fell to the ground. I did it over and over again in different ways, asking them the same question each time. Same answer was correct every time. Then I told them that God’s love was just as real as gravity, that He would always love them no matter what.
“What if you lie?” “God will love us.”
“What if you cheat in a game?” “God will still love us.”
“What if you hurt someone or talk bad about someone or make fun of someone?” “God would still love us.”
Then Elizabeth, my oldest, asked, “But what if someone keeps doing something wrong?” “There are no buts in God’s love for us.” Of course, they all laughed and the moment was nearly lost. “He will always love you no matter what. We have to love him enough to say that we are sorry when we are wrong.”
You know what that conversation was to me? One step closer to my deepest prayer being answered in their lives. And it happened with the slightest bit of effort. In that moment, I succeeded in parenting.
One win for dad, amidst a long list of losses and wrongs. I have a feeling that one win has the great potential to outweigh the reactive losses surrounding it.
Like your mother always says,"OH my word", Guy, to have had an earthly father like you!
My son is nearly eight and I feel much the same. I have so little time to teach him and model for him God's love.