“Dad, where’s my bra?”
“I have no idea, sweetheart. Wait...what??!!!”
I still forget that she now wears a training bra. I remember the first time Elizabeth asked if I could take her shopping for a training bra. I laughed. It was a genuine laugh in honest response to what I thought was a brilliantly timed joke on her part. You know, in a lot of ways and little intricacies, Elizabeth, mimics and takes after me. She is a little jokester in her own rite mixing in a little sarcasm and dry wit here and there. Makes me proud to see that in her. And I love it when she jokes around with me. So, of course, the first time she asked me to take her shopping for her very first bra, I read it as a joke. She was slyly grinning, after all.
“Uhh, yeah definitely! Do you wanna drive there, too?”, I jabbed back with a bit of sarcasm. I was meeting my kid, a chip off the ole block, on her level with matching sarcasm. So I thought. That was me identifying with her and being quick on my feet, the awesome parent that I have become. She hurried off into another room without saying a word, and I just went on as if nothing really happened. A couple days later, my mom mentioned to me that Elizabeth had asked her to take her shopping for a training bra. Actually, it was not long after I so skillfully shot down my daughter’s request that she asked my mom to take her. She told my mom that other girls her age were starting to wear training bras and that she felt like she should also. So then I went talk to her.
“Why in the world would you need a training bra? Seriously?” And with that, it got a bit worse. I embarrassed her. It was actually quite simple. Some of her friends started to wear them and she started to feel a little self-conscious about needing to wear one. Then I talked to her about the importance of being her own person and not following the crowd. And the hole got deeper. I offended her. This wasn’t an issue of peer pressure. She very simply started to feel a bit uncomfortable wearing some of her thinner tee shirts without wearing a training bra. It wasn’t rocket science, but it might as well have been given my misfiring responses. Then it dawned on me in a whole new way. Not only did I completely misread my daughter and totally disregard what I considered a ridiculous request, I really missed the boat and lost an opportunity with her. I passed up an invitation into a personal part of her life. Maybe it was better that my mom and sister shared that moment with her. After all, they’ve been down that road. Numbers, letters, types...I have no earthly idea of how to choose a bra. To add to my inexperience, I can be a really impatient shopper, so who knows what we would’ve bought together.
Now I hear with regularity, “Dad, don’t come in! I only have my bra on.” I shake my head and smile, still identifying with my sarcastic reaction to her initial request, but much more aware that my little girls are growing into young ladies and one day into women. I think that there is so much irony in the fact that I, a single dad, have the responsibility and newly realized great privilege of seeing that three little hyper, ready-to-wrestle girls find their way to being graceful and strong women one day. I certainly have the more than capable and regular assistance of my own mom and sister, but the responsibility rests on me. And honestly, I love it. I am watching one of my greatest fears, the fear that my daughters would be stunted in their development and miss out on so many important things without a mom, dissipate and dissolve. It is in the moments that we take, when opportunities present themselves, that we succeed in getting our kids to where they need to be. Answers are so secondary to simple willingness. I pray differently now. I pray for wisdom, but also, for a perceptive and knowing heart. I know that if they sense that in me, I will so effectively be the dad they need and ultimately, help them to understand God’s love so accurately. The irony is in my heart alone. The ability and wisdom are from God.
“I have no idea, sweetheart. Wait...what??!!!”
I still forget that she now wears a training bra. I remember the first time Elizabeth asked if I could take her shopping for a training bra. I laughed. It was a genuine laugh in honest response to what I thought was a brilliantly timed joke on her part. You know, in a lot of ways and little intricacies, Elizabeth, mimics and takes after me. She is a little jokester in her own rite mixing in a little sarcasm and dry wit here and there. Makes me proud to see that in her. And I love it when she jokes around with me. So, of course, the first time she asked me to take her shopping for her very first bra, I read it as a joke. She was slyly grinning, after all.
“Uhh, yeah definitely! Do you wanna drive there, too?”, I jabbed back with a bit of sarcasm. I was meeting my kid, a chip off the ole block, on her level with matching sarcasm. So I thought. That was me identifying with her and being quick on my feet, the awesome parent that I have become. She hurried off into another room without saying a word, and I just went on as if nothing really happened. A couple days later, my mom mentioned to me that Elizabeth had asked her to take her shopping for a training bra. Actually, it was not long after I so skillfully shot down my daughter’s request that she asked my mom to take her. She told my mom that other girls her age were starting to wear training bras and that she felt like she should also. So then I went talk to her.
“Why in the world would you need a training bra? Seriously?” And with that, it got a bit worse. I embarrassed her. It was actually quite simple. Some of her friends started to wear them and she started to feel a little self-conscious about needing to wear one. Then I talked to her about the importance of being her own person and not following the crowd. And the hole got deeper. I offended her. This wasn’t an issue of peer pressure. She very simply started to feel a bit uncomfortable wearing some of her thinner tee shirts without wearing a training bra. It wasn’t rocket science, but it might as well have been given my misfiring responses. Then it dawned on me in a whole new way. Not only did I completely misread my daughter and totally disregard what I considered a ridiculous request, I really missed the boat and lost an opportunity with her. I passed up an invitation into a personal part of her life. Maybe it was better that my mom and sister shared that moment with her. After all, they’ve been down that road. Numbers, letters, types...I have no earthly idea of how to choose a bra. To add to my inexperience, I can be a really impatient shopper, so who knows what we would’ve bought together.
Now I hear with regularity, “Dad, don’t come in! I only have my bra on.” I shake my head and smile, still identifying with my sarcastic reaction to her initial request, but much more aware that my little girls are growing into young ladies and one day into women. I think that there is so much irony in the fact that I, a single dad, have the responsibility and newly realized great privilege of seeing that three little hyper, ready-to-wrestle girls find their way to being graceful and strong women one day. I certainly have the more than capable and regular assistance of my own mom and sister, but the responsibility rests on me. And honestly, I love it. I am watching one of my greatest fears, the fear that my daughters would be stunted in their development and miss out on so many important things without a mom, dissipate and dissolve. It is in the moments that we take, when opportunities present themselves, that we succeed in getting our kids to where they need to be. Answers are so secondary to simple willingness. I pray differently now. I pray for wisdom, but also, for a perceptive and knowing heart. I know that if they sense that in me, I will so effectively be the dad they need and ultimately, help them to understand God’s love so accurately. The irony is in my heart alone. The ability and wisdom are from God.
Guy, you are a fantastic Dad. I was honored to see you "in action" this summer. You're going to do just fine in the days ahead. But thank God for you Mom and sister being there with you for times like these!!! Ha! Ha! You can take them for "driving lessons" and other cool dad things that will come your way as they grow into young ladies.
Dude! Hilarious!!
It is so encouraging and comforting, and somehow healing, getting to read these things from you as a man wanting to be a good father. I remember being a little girl like it was yesterday, and it helps me continue to see my father as the man he was trying to be, instead of "an adult" that seemed so much bigger and so important. Thank you for writing and for sharing your life.
It is so encouraging and comforting, and somehow healing, getting to read these things from you as a man wanting to be a good father. I remember being a little girl like it was yesterday, and it helps me continue to see my father as the man he was trying to be, instead of "an adult" that seemed so much bigger and so important. Thank you for writing and for sharing your life.
Thanks friends! No shortage of interesting moments in our lives right now;)
I definitely appreciate the encouraging words you've shared.